Pique Your Poison: Dealing with Annoyance and Fear (Part 2)

pique: "Feeling irritated or resentful"

Using the analytics that Blogspot provides, I can track about how many people read any particular post.  I figure from 20 to 100 people read what I write and post every few days. Not very many people read Pique Your Poison (Part 1).  I think part of the reason is the title itself. I try to be creative with my titles but I think in this case I was overly so.  Since the post is about dealing with annoyance, I intended "Pique Your Poison" as " pique is your poison."  If you're not familiar with "pique" then this would probably not garner your curiosity.  But you're reading this, so maybe there's hope for more views of this series.

At this point, if you are now curious and have have not done so yet, go back and read Part 1 and pick up the thread here.

(leaving room for you to read Part 1)

As I stated, the main thing I have enjoyed about Buddha's Brain is that it is less about "meditation" and more about the inner workings of the brain.  So guess what? 86 pages in, the book is about Mindfulness Meditation.  And is always the case, the techniques start with the breathing. There is a difference, however, in the author's approach to this exercise.  Hanson addressed the specific parts of the brain that meditation, specifically the breathing, affects. He provides the facts of how various meditation techniques become a joystick of sorts to access and calm specific mental activities. Since I deal with annoyance issues and panic issues, what he tells me is important and extremely useful information.  The most significant thing he has said is that practicing mindfulness for even one minute a day has benefits.  He also told me why I have been resisting it all these years. "For some people reducing anxiety can seem threatening, since lowering their guard makes them feel vulnerable."  That's me. I have found the meditation itself to be painful instead of relaxing. Why would I engage in a time-consuming exercise that makes me feel worse than I already feel?"

But then just like that Hanson dangles a carrot to give me a way into mindfulness and out of my distress. "Notice how the awareness that contains fear itself, is never fearful. Keep separating the fear: settle back into the vast space of awareness through which the fear passes like a cloud."

"The vast space of awareness" is my salvation.  I had never considered that a marvelous place of quiet and peace in my psyche is the part that is watching my various annoyances. At any time I can retreat to that place to rest from my irritation.   This even reminded me of an analogy, Years ago I used to do a lot of caving. The cave I ventured into most often is the Petty John cave about twenty miles from here. To enter the cave one slides through a small hole in the side of a rock into the darkness of the cave. The first time in I had no idea where my feet would land. Even a flashlight didn't show me the bottom.  But I figured they would land somewhere solid. Once in, I found myself in a very large room.  It is probably 30 feet wide and 40 feet tall. It's a big room.  From there my friends and I crawled in many different directions to explore the interior of the cave.  But no matter how far we ventured and how long we were in the cave, I always knew we would end up back in that big room. In the deepest, darkest parts of that cave I found comfort in thinking about  that room.

So from now on, my meditation image will be that room. Imagining that large place will be my "space of awareness."  You might think, "But is a dark hole in the ground a good place to go for quiet and comfort? Is that really helpful?"  But that room is not dark at all. As you crawl back into that room from the dark interior of the cavern, there is an abundance of light pouring through that entrance hole. It doesn't flood the room exactly, but the hole provides plenty of light to show you the way out.

Why has it taken me this long to make this connection?  About 23 years ago I guided a church youth group through that hole into that large room.  There we celebrated communion together. We lit candles and  shared out bread and "wine" in the relative darkness and solitude of that cave. It was a very special moment for all of us.

 I can use that too.

Obviously, the "vast space of awareness" is not a physical place. This space exists nowhere but in my head.  But isn't that the point?  All this annoyance exists nowhere but in my head as well.  It is not in the traffic or the noisy restaurants; it's in me. If I nurture and strengthen this vast and beautiful place inside of me,  then I can retreat there at any time and under any circumstances. I will still prefer that you not slurp your drink during my movie, but that's my problem and not yours.  Pique may be my poison, but awareness is my cure.