What does it mean?

meaning--"the end, purpose or significance of something"

The side effect of major depression that, in my opinion, is the most damaging and the most deadly is that everything is devoid of meaning.  There is no joy, meaning or satisfaction in anything.  The most horrible aspect of it is that the one suffering does not believe that this emotional state will ever change. Hopeless is no longer an expression.  It's a literal state of mind. This person's neurotransmitters that should be firing to celebrate normal positive emotions just are not available in their brain. Everyone is capable of having a "bad day" and sometimes even a "bad week."  But for someone who is depressed, this empty and hopeless state of being goes on for weeks and sometimes months.  It is estimated that for those in a prolonged depressive state, 80% contemplate suicide, 50% attempt suicide and 20% kill themselves.

Another cruel irony  is the elevated incidence  of suicide within a few days of  a person taking psychotropic drugs. One of the leading theories is that the person who was suffering wanted to die but didn't have the energy to kill themselves until the medication began to take effect.

It follows then that the opposite of a life devoid of meaning is a life full of meaning. All of it. Everything full of meaning.  I've lived both ways and I can tell you that meaning in everything is much better than meaning in nothing.

And, yes, I assign meaning when there maybe is none. Or is there? Since the fall of 1978 when I heard the music for the first time, Leonard Bernstein's Mass has been my most beloved symphonic/choral work in all of music,  And that's a lot of music.  Commissioned by Jacqueline Kennedy  the first performance on September 8,1971 was part of the opening of the John F. Kennedy Center for Performing Arts in Washington, D.C.  Leonard Bernstein, a Jew, composed this work to honor his friend John F, Kennedy, a Roman Catholic. Another thing about me, I've had more than my share of "life-changing experiences". But think of it like this, if you drive through Atlanta or Dallas aren't you going to have a lot of "lane-changing experiences"?  Why can't life be like that? But hearing Mass that afternoon was an actual life-changing experience. I can honestly say that my life has never been the same.  And it has changed every time of the dozens of times I've listened to it. And the hundreds of times I've listened to the final twenty minute soliloquy by the Celebrant as he utterly self-destructs.  And then is re-born. Then comes the incredibly beautiful music that takes me to the final spoken words, "The mass is ended. Go in peace."  Can you "go in peace" too often?

In 2004 I was the choral director of the Lakeview-Ft. Oglethorpe High School in Ft. Oglethorpe, Georgia.  I was musically prepared for the position but otherwise unprepared. And profoundly unhappy.  I took a group of students to Shorter College in Rome, Georgia for a workshop.  There I was introduced in a dramatic way to the choral music of Stephen Paulus. I have listened to his music ever since. This past weekend while looking for something else, Spotify directed me to his oratorio, To Be Certain of the Dawn.  This music that I have listened to several times has risen quickly to become my second most beloved musical work after Bernstein's Mass. The libretto by Michael Dennis Brown and music by Paulus was commissioned by the Minneapolis Basilica of St. Mary as a gift to Temple Israel Synagogue. It is intended as a gift from the Christian community to the Jewish community.  More specifically, it deals with Christian repentance for the church's role in the Holocaust. The words and music of Hymn to the Eternal Flame touch  me in places I had forgotten I had places.

So did you follow this?  My first most favorite  music was composed by a Jewish composer to honor his Christian friend.   Now my second most favorite  music was composed by a Christian as a gift to the Jewish community.  Is this supposed to mean something? Are these musical works somehow connected?  Well, they are in me.

In 1987, while I was the Minister of Music at the Signal Mt. Baptist Church, Signal Mt. Tennessee, my best friend developed a relationship with the rabbi of the B'nai Zion Synogogue in Chattanooga, Tennessee. This friendship resulted in a relationship of our church with their synagogue. We enjoyed a traditional  Seder meal in their homes  and they enjoyed a meal and worship with us. The rabbi taught me Hine mah tov ("How good it is for the brethren to dwell together in unity") and I sang that psalm a cappella for the two combined congregations in their synagogue. In my opinion it was one of the my best solo performances in my church music career.   My good friend was pleased, anyway.

The Minister of Music of a Southern Baptist Church sang a Jewish psalm in Hebrew in a Jewish synagogue. "How good it is."

So what does this mean?  It at least means that for the past two hours I have been listening to some incredibly beautiful choral music by Stephen Paulus.  And it means that you get to read some more about what makes me tick.  And I'm sure you've been looking forward to that all day.