Pulling My Weight

"Transient global amnesia is a sudden, temporary episode of memory loss that can't be attributed to a more common neurological condition, such as epilepsy or stroke.

During an episode of transient global amnesia, your recall of recent events simply vanishes, so you can't remember where you are or how you got there. In addition, you may not remember anything about what's happening in the here and now. Consequently, you may keep repeating the same questions because you don't remember the answers you've just been given. You may also draw a blank when asked to remember things that happened a year, a month or even a day ago.

With transient global amnesia, you do remember who you are, and recognize the people you know well. But that doesn't make your memory loss less disturbing.

Fortunately, transient global amnesia is rare, seemingly harmless and unlikely to happen again. Episodes are usually short-lived, and afterward your memory is fine."  The Mayo Clinic

This morning while working out, my thoughts went back to an incident in another gym about eighteen years ago. At forty-five years old I was in the best shape of my life.  I worked out vigorously and regularly.  Among other physical feats, I could do twelve pull ups from a dead hang.  No jumping, twisting, squirming, just twelve pull ups.  I can now do something between zero and  one pull up from a dead hang. 

On that fall afternoon my wife and I were at the gym in our separate cars. There was nothing remarkable about the day or the workout.  I remember very little about it. What I do remember is that one minute  I was doing bench presses on one side of the gym and the next moment I was sitting in a chair on the other side of the gym. Until my wife found me, a concerned patron was asking me if I was okay. I remember being in the car with my wife on the way to the hospital.  I remember stopping by my son's high school to tell him we were going to the hospital.  I remember that she said I asked her over and over about my car, where was it and when could be get it. I recall that she asked me if I remembered our dinner plans for that evening and I told her that I did not.  For the next four to five hours I didn't know anything or anybody except my wife.  I had no short-term or long-term memory of anything. The world as I knew it ceased to exist. After several  hours in the ER my head began to clear and I began to remember things little by little.

None of the diagnostic tests including an EEG, CT and echocardiogram showed any negative results.  None of the doctors involved had an explanation for what was going on with me.  It was all a mystery. The next week I saw a neurologist. Before he ran any more tests, he just asked me some questions.  After about fifteen minutes he said, "I know what happened to you. You experienced an incident with TGA, transient global amnesia." He told me that I had the classic symptoms and that they were unmistakable.  He said that the incident was more than likely exercise induced, that there would be no permanent brain damage and that it would probably never happen again.

I have a lot of trouble retaining names.  I not only find it difficult to recall a name I've just "learned", but many times I can't recall the name of someone I know very well.  It can be very awkward and very embarrassing.  I blame it on the TGA.  My doctors say otherwise but I prefer to think I lost something during the dramatic memory loss than that I'm just losing it period.

Recently I ran into a good friend in Walmart who is in her 90s. I remembered her name but she didn't remember mine.  She is experiencing serious issues with dementia. At one point I asked her something about her deceased husband and she said, "I don't remember him."  As I was saying goodbye she took both of my hands in hers, looked deep into my eyes and said, "David,remember while you can."

Our short-term and long-term memories are our connection to our lives and to the world around us. With our short-term memories we remember that we need to pick up a dozen eggs on our way home from work. We remember that we turned on the stove and need to turn it off. With our long-term memories we not only remember where we were, who we were with and what we were doing, but we remember the actual feelings that were involved. The "global" part of transient global amnesia is that affects the whole brain. Our memories are global as well.  They are scattered throughout our gray matter. When you remember something your entire brain lights up. On the other hand, if we don't remember it, then as far as we're concerned it no longer exists.  It never happened.  It's just not there. 

I remember being at the gym today.  I remember that the pull ups I did were weighted. I don't mean that the weight was on me, the weight was on the machine so that I was only lifting the difference. I don't know the exact reason I can't do pull ups from a dead hang anymore, but I'm fairly sure it's related to transient global amnesia. Don't look it up. Just trust me.