The Power of a Compliment

com.pli.ment "A polite expression of praise or admiration."

To get a compliment is a wonderful thing.  To give a compliment is even better.

This morning after a business meeting, a friend complimented me on my writing.  I have not known her for very long and she has known my writing for an even less time.  She not only said something nice about something she had read that I had written, but she asked me several questions about my blog.  Follow up questions such as these are compliments too.

To those of you who are totally confident of yourselves you will not understand this.  Most people are very insecure.  Most people need constant positive feedback and affirmation to feel good about themselves.  You have an opportunity every day to provide that.  A genuine and well-placed compliment can be all the difference for the way someone feels about himself  or herself on any given day.

I come from a long line of kidders.  We kidders mean well. We really never intend to hurt people's feelings.  However, because people are insecure, we do make people uncomfortable and hurt their feelings.  "Hello, my name is David.  And I am a kidder."  "We love you David."  My Dad kidded and he also gave "backhanded compliments."   If I, for example, showed him a report card that was all As and a B+. he would say, "Crockett, is that the best you can do?"  (smile).  I took it as a compliment. I may as well have because that was as good as it was going to get.

 I'll never forget the first straightforward, genuine compliment my father gave me. I was 37 years old.  I had done something fairly incredible.  It even now is one of the most incredible things I have done in my life. I was proud of myself then and I'm proud of myself now. I had recruited and rehearsed 80 local youth to perform a musical by Ken Medema at the Tivoli Theater in Chattanooga. Ken was there to play. His manager was there to conduct. There was a sound and lighting crew.  Ushers in the aisles. Stage hands on the wings. I even had a publicist! And about 1500 of Chattanooga's best were there to listen. The very successful production was all to benefit Habitat for Humanity. It raised a significant amount of money and even more awareness.  I had plenty of help but for the most part, I did it. Mom and Dad had come up from Enterprise to participate in the event.  The next day they were getting in their car to go home. Dad hadn't said anything to this point.  Dad looked at me and said, "Son, for years you've told about this genius friend you have named Ken Medema.  And I can see that.  But in my opinion the real genius is the person who put all that together. And that was you."  My mother and I both understood  the significance of the moment and we both started crying.

Selah.

Another aspect of compliments that is very important is how to receive a compliment.  Did I mention that most people are insecure?  Because of that it's many times difficult for people to accept a compliment.   No matter how you feel about whatever affirmation this person just gave you, the only proper response is "Thank you."  That's it.  Don't start telling them all the reasons why "it was nothing" or  why you don't deserve it.  Just say "Thank you." However, because of this phenomenon, the compliment you give will not always be received well  either.  Give it anyway.

I really appreciated my new friend's compliment this morning.  It made me feel good about myself and my ability to write.   You are reading this because of a compliment.  In the fall of 1973 as a freshman at the Enterprise State Junior College, Mr. Smith, my composition teacher said, "David, you can write. You are very good at this."  I was too busy in college for several years writing reports and research papers to write anything for fun or publication.  But I never forgot his vote of confidence.  It always meant a lot to me that a gifted teacher appreciated my writing.

And now I'm a professional writer.  A youth ministry magazine paid me $50 for an article they published so that makes me a professional.  One of these days my name will be on a book.  And you'll have to buy it to read it.  But for now my words to you are free.  Meanwhile, just like this morning,  for you to tell me that my writing means something to you goes a long, long way.