Buzz Kill

About fifteen years or so ago my son, my wife and I were going to dinner at a restaurant in West Lafayette, Indiana. When we got to the restaurant,valet parking was available but to save the money I parked in a a relatively empty parking lot across the street.  I did not notice the "No Parking" sign with the "towing" warning. We had a nice dinner together. After the dinner we put some take home boxes of leftovers in the trunk of the car and walked to a bookstore. Later the man at the tow lot told us that coming to the car and then leaving the car again is what prompted the towing. I don't know who was watching or why that mattered, but that's what he said. When we walked back to where we had parked, the car was gone. The large parking lot was still virtually empty. It was then that I saw the "No Parking" sign with the tow warning.  I had just not noticed it before that moment.

All of this happened on a Saturday night and my wife and I were planning to leave for home the next morning which was about a seven hour drive. We both needed to be back at work on Monday. It would have been a major inconvenience to wait till Monday to retrieve our car. I called the number on the sign. A man answered and I inquired about my car.  He told me that he had the car, we owed him $140 cash and that they closed at 7:30pm and that they were closed on Sunday. We had about 20 minutes to find an ATM, get the cash and then find the tow lot. We got there with the money with a few minutes to spare. The man at the lot was sitting behind a thick glass window with a half moon opening like at a bank. I asked him why they towed the car from an empty lot and he said something like, "The sign warned you that the car would be towed" without really answering my question. That's when he explained the bit about leaving the car for the second time.

As I handed him the money through the window and as he took the money, I tried to think of something really mean and hateful to say. Short of wishing him bodily harm, I said the meanest thing that I could think of. Before I let go of the money, I looked him in the eye and said, "I hope your dog dies." The look on his face was that he did have a dog.

Yesterday afternoon I saw the Mr. Rogers movie, It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood with my wife and good friends.  I could have been more kind to that man at the tow lot. People are doing the best they can do under their circumstances. He was just doing his job.

The Lizard Way

"The Lizard Way" is a physical path through some sand dunes at Laguna Beach, Florida. Laguna Beach lies about 17 miles west of Panama City toward Destin. Growing up my extended family owned a beach house there. I say, the lizard way  is a physical path. It would be more correct to say that it was a physical path. It is completely invisible now  as it is covered over by a multitude of things. A home to a multitude of lizards and other small creatures.

My wife and I were invited to attend a very significant 50th birthday party today at a local country club. We were honored to be included with the 15 people on the guest list. One of those in attendance was a young lady who was in  my youth group, 1983-1985, at the McFarland UMC in Rossville, Georgia. Those two years proved fateful for me in so many ways good and not as good. But I digress. This young lady (50ish) told me that I helped her in very many ways during my tenure there. I asked her to tell me one thing that I said that helped her (cringing a bit as it's hard for me to conceptualize that I was much help to anybody).  She said, "You told us that if we wanted our lives to be significant and worthwhile then we had to make good choices."  That's it. That's what helped her so much.

"The lizard way", though no longer a physical path, is now a significant metaphor for me. The lizard way is the people and places in my life that helped me make the choices that I have made and have made me the person who I've become. That beach house is a lizard way. That youth group is a lizard way. That path is a lizard way. That birthday girl and her friend are lizard ways. This place where I am sitting listening to Lauren Daigle and writing this will one day be a lizard way. Last week I paid the taxes on this property. I won't always pay  the taxes here. You have to be an owner to pay the taxes. My ability to think and write will be a lizard way. My life will be a lizard way for others to follow. I certainly hope it's a lizard way for others. "The only thing that matters now is everything you think of me" Lauren Daigle just sang. "You say", Lauren sings. "I believe oh I believe."

I haven't always made good choices, but my best choice was the choice to keep living. I actually made that choice over and over during the darkest days of my existence before June of 1992.  I plan to continue to make that choice. Years ago I decided to come up with my central life theme. What choice is my central choice?  That choice is "life is good." No matter what is going on in and around me at any given moment, life is good. We'd all be dead without it.

I say "the lizard way" is not a physical place. That's not correct either. I can take you to the very spot along Highway 98 in Laguna Beach, Florida and point and say, "There it is. The lizard way." It probably won't mean much to you, but it means the world to me. I thank God for those who gave me a meaningful path  to follow. I thank God for Lauren Daigle and for good music and good choices. "I believe. I believe."

Who is God, really?

My theology is undergoing a dramatic shift. First a definition of God.  I don’t like the word God; there’s just too much baggage attached to it. Are we referring to the mean and vengeful God of the Old Testament or the kinder, gentler Father of Jesus in the New Testament? And the problem goes from there. There are hundreds upon hundreds of names for God as people attempt to deal with all that baggage.  I’ll just type three of those words. One is the God of AA and then two Jewish names (of a multitude).  Since AA includes people of all faiths and religions and  those of no religion, since AA wants the membership to acknowledge a Higher Power to help them recover from addiction, the organization refers to the “Higher Power”. Ancient Jews referred to God as Yahweh or just YVWH. This name is so powerful and unique, the ancient Jews refused to utter it aloud.  Many modern Jews, to get around all possible associations with “God” simply write G-D (the dash is a place holder for Whoever God is and whatever “God” means to you).

For many years I pray to Wankan Tanka, the God of the Lakota Sioux.  That God seems much bigger and more beautiful than “God.”  “Wakan Tanka” then becomes a Universal place holder for Whoever God really is”. However, there is a problem with Wakan Tanka. Many Lakota Sioux, including Sitting Bull, believed that Wakan Tanka was the exclusive God of the Lakota Sioux. So then why would I use it?  Because Wakan Tanka is as good as any names for God. "Then why don’t you just refer to 'God' ", you ask.  Reread what I’ve written so far.

Another reality of this Lakota God is that whereas S/He is infinite in size, beauty and power, S/He is contained and not separate from the Universe. This is basically the God of Albert Einstein, a confessed atheist. He felt that there was “Something” behind Creation and the workings of the Universe. Can an atheist have any “god”? Well, Einstein did.

Then what is my evolving shift in perspective and belief about God? It’s simply that God (nearly as good as any name) is becoming separate from Her creation instead of being limited to this near limitless universe.  A God that is separate can be known and loved. More importantly this God can love me and take care of me.  Yes, S/He can help me find a parking place from time to time. This God can help me with some medical issues I am dealing with. This God can help my friends when I pray and ask Him to. This God can do things for me and with me that I can’t do for myself.  Lauren Daigle sings “Noel”. The refrain includes “Noel, noel. Come and see what God has done!”  Even without the “virgin birth” if that is your belief, God Himself did this wonderful thing through Mary and Joseph.  God Himself and all by Herself created this tiny baby now in the manger.  God creates every baby in every manger(maternity ward, NICU, etc.)  God does this.  This separate God is transforming my life. And what is with all this “Him” and “Her” stuff? Is that distinction really necessary?  Hey, that I’m talking about “God” at all is a huge step. Don’t make me do too much at once.  Besides in the creation narrative, the author of Genesis says, “God created man in his own image,  male and female created He them in His image".  Then if “female” is in God’s image then His/Her image can be female just as easily as She is male. I think She’s neither. He’s God. S/He’s not human. ?S/He, as far as we know, doesn't have sex organs.  It follows then that transgender people are created in God's image. Transsexuals are created in God's image.
Heterosexuals, homosexuals and bisexuals are created in God's image.   “She” then becomes this place holder for Whoever God really is. G-D refers to this same being who told Moses, “Tell Pharaoh that ‘I am who I am’.”

Another powerful song that is moving the needle for me is Andrew Peterson’s “Is He Worthy?”  His refrain is “Is He worthy? Yes He is.” Then G-D is worthy of my reverence and awe.

So am I going to continue to honor Wakan Tanka?  Yes I am. My Indian chants just wouldn’t be the same without Him.

Living in Joy

“Find a place where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.”  Joseph Campbell

Our country is messed up. Our environment is messed up. Our world is messed up. Our emotions are messed up. If we’re waiting until all of this is fixed to feel joy, then we’re going to be waiting for a long time.

When I read the news or hear the news, I am deeply disturbed.  I do not remember a time in my life when I was as concerned about “the world situation”.  I do not remember a time in my life when comments about “the world situation” disturb me so much. The comments I read and hear affect me very deeply. On the other hand, when Auburn plays football, my gut churns until either Auburn is up three touchdowns with five minutes to play or the game is over. If Auburn wins,  I feel good for a while. If Auburn loses, I feel bad the rest of the day (and into the night). During those games nothing much else matters but what happens on the field. I can easily forget everything else.  When the game is over, win or lose, I start thinking again about “the world situation” and again feel bad about that. 

My counselor has recently reminded me that while sitting in my den watching an Auburn game on television, my gut churning doesn’t affect that game at all. The game affects me, but I don’t affect the outcome of the game or even any one play. He has suggested that I find a way to watch and enjoy the game regardless of how it’s playing out.  Cognitively, I understand that. Emotionally, I have not been able to pull that off.  When I’m watching any football game on television and the camera pans the stands, I see fans with their faces in their hands waiting on the outcome of a fourth and one or a field goal.  And I think how silly these people are to feel that the outcome of a play affects their lives in any way.  But with an Auburn game it’s different. It feels like somehow some part of my future is at stake with every play. I know that’s ridiculous. But it’s true.

As I am struggling to get to this place of peace of mind with an Auburn football game, it occurs to me that I’m dealing with the same thing in “the world situation.”  Although “the world situation” is so much more important than any football game, my angst about our country, the environment and the world as a whole does nothing to help that world.  Again, my angst affects me, but it doesn’t affect the world. My counselor suggested a therapy that is helping me with all of this.  He has introduced me to the concept of “emotional resources.” The idea is that we all have limited “emotional resources” and we have to choose how to spend them.  If I am burning up my “emotional resources” with angst about a football game or “the world situation,” then I have no resources left to enjoy my life at any particular moment in time. During that Auburn game, there are so many other things that really matter that I could be enjoying. During that news broadcast, no matter how everything seems to be, I can continue to focus on my own body budget and go about my day free of stress and anxiety. My stress and anxiety affect nothing but me. The world is no better off. 

The trick, as Joseph Campbell suggests, is to find a place of joy. Or as he puts it another way, to find a place of bliss. “Follow your bliss” he often said. To “follow your bliss” you need to know your bliss.  So find your place of joy and learn to live there. Your joy not only “burns out” your own pain, but lessens the pain in the world (since you’re a part of the world).

You may be thinking, “David, why don’t you stop watching Auburn games and do something productive with that time?”  Not on your life. How could Auburn possibly win a game without me?

Losing a Pet, Gaining a Family

My friend Caroline Wooten wrote this and I am posting it here.

"We lost a pet yesterday. Not in the sense that we don’t know where he is, but in the senseless act of a random stranger hitting him with their vehicle and fleeing the scene.  Seriously, who does that?! Not to mention that this precious animal was a gorgeous Great Dane.  That being said, he was 100lbs of muscle.  He did some damage to that vehicle; I am almost positive.  While we are saddened, that isn’t the reason for this story.  I want to talk about my sons. 

They went to school as usual yesterday.  They attended their respective elementary, middle and high schools and saw our dead dog on the side of the road on the commute home.  Hank, our dog, was an adoption gift to their sister Kylee.  She loved Hank so much.  She was obviously upset by the death of her companion, but she couldn’t take the time to fall apart because she had to work after school.

So, these boys came in, picked up shovels and got to work digging a grave for the beloved pet of their sister.  What is interesting to note, is that these boys aren’t all biologically related to their sister, or each other.  This wasn’t their animal. They hadn’t hit him with their vehicle.  By all accounts of the standard teenager, it quite frankly wasn’t their problem. 

I watched from afar, as they worked tirelessly together for several hours in 85-degree heat in a typical North Texas October afternoon.  Not only did they accomplish the task before them, but they did it with JOY!  I don’t mean happiness.  Those words don’t mean the same thing.  Happiness is externally triggered.  But these boys, my sons, have a peace with who they are, and that their creator finds pleasure in them.  I watched them encourage and teach each other.  I watched them praise one another. I watched them pick each other up. I watched them give selflessly for their sister with nothing short of the pure joy of a servant’s heart.

I am so proud of who they are and who they are becoming.  I am so thankful to God for allowing me to witness their transformation into Godly young men who mirror the image of Christ.  I take no credit for them; they are products of the relationship they have with Christ Jesus". 

Distracted Driving

Spotify is my primary platform for listening to the music I love.  YouTube is important too, but since Spotify goes everywhere I go, it means more to me.

Many people at the gym listen to  music while working out, especially while walking on the treadmill. And I do the same. However, if I’m completely honest (and I always strive to be completely honest), for me it’s more like I’m walking while I listen to music instead of  listening to music while I walk. Most folks in the gym like to listen to “thump thump”, high energy music to help them work out. My music, instead, is music that I enjoy listening to. Thus my tendency to walk while I listen to good music. And my tendency to seldom work up a sweat.

One of the things about Spotify that I enjoy the most is the ability to make playlists.  I have about twenty five or so playlists saved to Spotify. I listen to  those playlists while I’m on the treadmill. Today I decided to listen to one that I have not listened to for a year or longer. The playlist simply reads, “Top 15 Songs”.  Technically, there are only thirteen songs on the list, but close enough. Since it has been so long since I’ve listened to it and since I didn’t look at it before booting it up, every song was like opening a Christmas present. Every song came loaded with memories and emotions.  I not only enjoyed listening to the music, but since “the song remembers when”, the music took me to far away places and distant emotional responses.  Some of the songs took me back just a year or so when I was introduced to them, but other songs took me back over thirty years.

You would think that thirteen songs would take about forty minutes since most recorded songs last about three minutes or so, but since some of the Tori Amos songs last six minutes or longer, this playlist lasted somewhat longer.  Just like I confessed that I walk while I’m listening to music, this afternoon I did something else related to that. Instead of stopping listening when I got through walking as I normally do, I decided to keep walking until the playlist was through playing.  When the music stopped, I had been walking for exactly one hour. Well to be more exact, the playlist and my walk lasted 59:57.

One of the songs, “Yours to Hold”, by Skillet, took me back several years ago to a particular place on I-65 north of Indianapolis, Indiana. I was alone in my car at a little after midnight listening to the Skillet CD. When the music cycled to “Yours to Hold”, that thing that happens sometimes while listening to music late at night happened to me.  All of a sudden all the cogs of the universe seemed to be turning in synchronicity with the music and the beating of my heart. My soul expanded from my body into space. I was fully in control of the car and my faculties. I did not put myself or anyone else in danger, but some part of me was traveling far beyond I-65 north.  As I listened to that song this afternoon, I was not only remembering that moment and feeling some of that emotion, but thinking about something that happened later  that weekend In West Lafayette, Indiana.  I won’t tell the story now, but it was a significant event involving my son and my then two year old granddaughter on Easter Sunday morning.  That very special memory actually brought me to tears on the treadmill. “That old familiar pain” as Dan Fogelberg called it.

Many states, including where I live in Georgia and neighboring Tennessee, have passed laws against distracted driving. The laws apply particularly to any sort of hand-held cell phone use while driving, but the laws apply to more than that. Any sort of physical distraction is forbidden.  I applaud these laws and the efforts of highway patrol  to enforce them. But I can tell you that just like what happened to  the Apostle Paul, it is possible to be in the body and out of the body simultaneously. I was not distracted that night on I-65.  I never took my eyes off the road. I also applaud those people at the gym who listen to “thump thump” music and work up a sweat.  But Planet Fitness advertises, “No Judgement”. So I won’t judge you and you don’t judge me. What happens at the gym stays at the gym. But what happens on Spotify is amazing.

A Clutch Decision

I could have Googled how a clutch actually works, but I decided just to wing it. When a manual drive car is in gear and moving, the clutch is engaged. A plate is against another plate (it’s either the flywheel or somehow attached to the flywheel). So these two plates are engaged with each other, they turn the flywheel. The flywheel is then magically and mysteriously attached to the transmission(or the other way around) and something or nuther turns the axle. The axle,through the differential turns the wheels. The wheels touch the pavement and make the car go forward (or backward as the case may be).

The “girl” I was dating in 1975 had just reached “girlfriend” status. We had been friends for over a year, but had decided to be out with our feelings for each other. My car at the time, which looking back, is my favorite car of all the cars I’ve owned. Anyway, that’s not a complete sentence. My car at the time was a yellow 1973 Mercury Capri.  The Capri was a “German built” American car. With its twin cam engine and four on the floor, it would fly. Those twin cams emitted a high whine that made it sound real cool when accelerating. And that German built stereo system was the most balanced stereo of any car I’ve owned.  I so enjoyed driving that car. And  since my friend had reached girlfriend status, I decided to let her drive it too. She was a good driver and I wasn’t concerned about her crashing my car, but she had a very bad habit.  She rode the clutch! Now back to my mechanical expertise.  When you depress the clutch pedal those two plates separate and they disengage and the car coasts  to a stop.   So when you “mash the clutch” pedal you’re actually separating the clutch from the flywheel. As I said above, when you let the clutch pedal out, the plates engage and the car moves. This is why you depress the pedal to disengage the engine when you're changing gears.  When you’re stopped on a slight incline (or a severe incline), you have two choices with what to do with the clutch. The first choice, and the best one is to depress the clutch pedal (which disengages the clutch), depress the brake (which stops the car from rolling into the car behind you or back down the hill) and  let the engine idle.The tricky part is when you move your brake foot from the brake to the accelerator at the same time, the car starts rolling backwards; you gradually release the clutch pedal at the exact same time you're pressing the accelerator with the brake foot.  Beginners will either stall the engine, burn the tires or actually roll into the car behind them.  It’s more of an art than a science. The other option, which is too horrible to consider, is to “ride the clutch”.  To “ride the clutch” instead of doing the right thing you leave the pedal out about halfway and let the clutch and the accelerator hold the car instead of the brake.  One thing that happens fairly soon (which should be an indication that it’s not a good idea) is that you will smell the clutch “burning”. The first couple of times my girlfriend “rode the clutch” I gently told her that she needed to fully depress the clutch pedal and hold the car with the brake and not the clutch.  She either didn’t understand what I was saying or just ignored me since at the next opportunity she was still “riding the clutch” !!  Since I was now secure in our relationship, I yelled “Please stop riding the clutch!!”  Both of us were shocked by my response.

So did she stop riding the clutch? I remember that was among the last times she “road the clutch.”  And was that our last date?  If she’ll have me for four more weeks, we will celebrate our forty third anniversary. A big part of the secret to such a long and happy  relationship is that every car since the Capri has had an automatic transmission. I could tell  you  how that works, but I’ll spare you that explanation. For the record, I understand that now many manual transmission cars have a feature that doesn't allow the car to roll backwards. Where's the fun in that !?