Dealing with Problems

I don't like to have problems. When I have problems, I immediately try to find a way to fix them. In this case, what I have done to fix it has created an even bigger problem, an interpersonal one with someone I care about deeply. Meanwhile, I have to cope with both problems the best I know how.

Twenty seven years of counseling has paid off. I am now armed with a multitude of ways to deal with problems in a constructive and redemptive way. Here are some of the ways I find "help in times of trouble" (the Psalms). I recommend them all to you:
1. Recognize that either the problem will go away or that you will learn to deal with the problem and move on.
2. Employ "emotional resources".  All of us, on any given day, have limited emotional resources. At any particular moment in the day, we have to choose how to spend those resources. Emotional resources are built on elaborate brain chemistry. Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin and Endorphins(D.O.P.E. are our friends, but at any given moment, these neurotransmitters have a limited capacity to help us. We set those limits. If we block those resources with worry, fear, guilt, bitterness, grief, drugs and alcohol, then the good stuff in our nervous system is unavailable.  D.O.S.E are depleted and other body chemicals, such as cortisol and adrenaline,  accommodate our mood and your problems feel worse. Learn to focus on the good stuff you are experiencing in spite of the problem. Think about something else that you love and enjoy. Think of all the good things that are going on right now. These thoughts activate these DOPE chemicals and they flood your nervous system with good feelings of hope, redemption and grace.
3. Develop a "wait and see" attitude.  Once you have done all you can do to deal with the problem and its consequences, it's important to leave it alone and let it work its way out. Years ago while in the middle of a business problem where I had messed up, my boss put her hand on my shoulder and said, "David, things have a way of working out."  I have found this to be true.
4.Do something that you enjoy. Phone a friend. Go outside and take a walk, especially in the woods if woods are available. If not, a walk around the block or even a treadmill will help. These positive activities activate the D.O.P.E. chemicals and you find yourself feeling better in spite of the problem. In a way, at this point, you have no problems.
5.Be kind to yourself. When I consider the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", I think about it in a different way. "Treat yourself at least as kindly as you treat everybody else in similar circumstances. Include yourself in your circle of love and forgiveness for friends, family and strangers."
6. Finally, pray about it. Well, you may want to consider that first.  AA, in helping people with their addictions, includes invoking your "Higher Power" in times of stress and temptation.  Name your Higher Power and ask for help.Some things demand Divine intervention. The first Bible verse I memorized at Vacation Bible School when I was five years old, was "What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee." Psalm 56:3 KJV

A funny thing happened while I was writing this. My problems went away. Well, actually, now that I have finished writing, they are still there, but I don't feel as bad about them. Sooner or later they will be resolved. Meanwhile, I'm going to eat a Moon Pie, drink some chocolate milk and read a book--"a very present help in the time of trouble"Psalm 46:1.