The Place Where God Calls You

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."  Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking

It has been a long time since I felt that a dream meant something.  I have certainly dreamed dreams since 1982 that I felt were significant, but nothing has ever approached the beauty and power of that dream.  In that case I sought the help of a Lutheran minister who took dreams and dreaming seriously. He said, “Young man (like I said, it was 1982), Young man, God has given you an epic dream.  If you will pay attention to it, it will change the direction of your life". I did. And it did.  The dream I had in my waking moments this morning was not that sort of dream.  But since it has stayed with me all day I have come to believe that it meant something.

In recent years I have come to name the institution where I earned a master in music as “graduate school” instead of seminary.  Truth be told it was a Baptist seminary.  In spite of the fact that at the time it was one of the most admired and respected schools of theology in the world, it is now a third rate Calvanistic Bible college.  The seminary music school where I earned that degree was one of the most outstanding music schools in  the country. I applied myself and graduated with honors musically and academically. I was very proud of my accomplishments, and my teachers and peers were proud of me too. The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary is not only a horrible excuse for a seminary, but there is no music school there at all. It has been closed for several years. I still have my diploma, but what is a diploma worth regardless of what it cost if the school no longer exists?

Upon graduation, after considering five different offers, we decided that it was “God’s will” for us to move to Rossville, Georgia to the Rossville First Baptist Church. I poured my heart and soul into both the music ministry and the youth ministry of that church.  After four years, burned out and washed up,  I resigned that position. I spent the next two years as youth director of the McFarland United Methodist Church, the church across the street. Those two years were for me a marvelous time of grace and healing. In a future life I look forward to finding out what happened to me and to that church if I had stayed there.  But after two years the Signal Mountain Baptist Church of Signal Mountain, Tennessee tempted me with a large part-time salary and the opportunity to lead in church music again.  I  left that position twice and was invited back twice. So all told I spent fourteen years as the Minister of Music over a twenty year period. Nearly two years ago Rossville First Baptist Church closed its doors forever.  Several weeks ago the  Signal Mountain Baptist Church closed its doors for good.  My school of music doesn’t exist and two of my life’s most important churches  ceased to exist as well. Where does this leave my life and legacy?  Educationally and vocationally do I even exist?

When I woke up this morning the dream had been powerful enough that it took me a few seconds to clear my head and to know what was real and what was a dream. In the dream I was just starting down Signal Mountain on Signal Mountain Road.  The incident had just taken place so there weren’t many cars or people around. Instead of pavement in front of me there was a gaping hole in the asphalt. I didn’t know for sure but I was fairly certain a car had fallen into that hole. Since the road is on  the side of a mountain I knew that the hole was quite deep and that if there was a car the driver had probably died in the impact.  I approached the chasm to take a picture and then decided the photo wasn’t worth risking my life for if the road continued to cave.  And I woke up.

I said that I felt like the dream meant something, but I have little idea what it means.  I do think that the black hole is a metaphor for the black hole at the center of the Milky Way.  The gravitational pull of a black hole is so powerful not even light can escape, thus it’s a black hole. In spite of their reputation as  death stars, black holes are the engines of their respective galaxies.  The galaxies exist because though dark as eternal night, the black holes exists.

Now for the interpretation. I don't know where to go, but I know where to start.  One dead music school. Two dead churches. A driver on  Signal Mountain less than a mile from the church fell through the black asphalt to her death.  I’m standing on the road near the hole safe and sound. I’m okay. The dark black hole didn't kill me. 

A few years after leaving Signal Mountain Baptist Church for the third and last time, the McFarland United Methodist Church gave me the opportunity to be their music director. By then I had matured in my faith and theology that I didn't so much seek "God's will" as to discern what would be best for the church, my family and for me. Why would God have a problem with that? I decided to go for it.  Those four years turned out to be four of the best years of my music ministry. It didn't matter that my diploma had expired and that my seminary was on life support, it only mattered that there had been a need and that I filled it as best I could. Buechner said that's the place God calls you.  Saying yes to that call has made all the difference.  I'm reading a book, All About Dreams: Everything You Need to Know about Why We Have Them, What They Mean and How to Put Them to Work for You. When I'm finished reading I'll get back to you on the meaning of this black hole dream. I'll probably learn the obvious, it means "seven years of feast followed by seven years of famine".