Finding Your Wild Self

“I'll tell you right now, the doors to the world of the wild self are few but precious. If you have a deep scar, that is a door; if you have an old, old story, that is a door. If you love the sky and the water so much that you almost cannot bear it, that is a door. If you yearn for a deeper life, a full life, a sane life, that is a door.”  Women Who Run With the Wolves. Clarissa Pinkola Estés


It is normally not a good thing when "wild" is applied to a human being. If a  teenager goes wild or a forty year old man goes wild, if someone throws a wild party, then the meaning of wild is negative.  Obviously, this is not the definition of "wild" that Estés is using. Her definition of "wild" as it pertains to human beings, women in particular, is much different.  Likewise with wolves.  Being "thrown to the wolves" is not a good thing.  "A wolf in sheep's clothing" has negative connotations.  But Estés has great admiration and respect for wolves. Their wild nature is not something to be feared or to loath, but is something to be admired and emulated. I like to think by "wild self" she is referring to our true self, our true nature, the person we were created to be.

With that clarification, we can begin to understand the meaning of her words. 

"I'll tell you right now" says that she is speaking from a perspective of deep conviction; she is not mincing words. With each subsequent, emphatic statement she builds her case  for finding the deeper, full life. "The doors to the world of the wild self are few but precious." In other words when life opens one of these "doors to the wild self" we would do well to walk through it. And when you look at her doors we see that they are doors we all have experienced.   Do we have deep scars?  Of course we have deep scars.  Do we have old, old stories?  Of course we have old, old stories. Have we loved the sky and the water so much that we couldn't bear it? If not the sky and water, we have looked up into a canopy of stars and burst with fullness as we pondered the grandeur of creation and our own relative insignificance.  Or we have witnessed the birth of a child and almost passed out for sheer gratitude and joy.  There have been those who did actually pass out.

So all of us are qualified to approach these doors and walk through them.  What is this deeper life? Estés doesn't say.  It's as if she's telling us that we will know it when we get there. I'm quite sure that she would say this "deeper life" is unique for each of us. I'm also quite sure that she is suggesting we don't have to die to find this deeper, full life.  This fullness is possible in the here and  the now.

Estés says that through these doors we can yearn for a "sane life."  Sane compared to who? To what? There is a Broadway rock musical called Next to Normal. The main character is Diana, a bipolar wife and mother. Toward the end of the musical Diana's daughter says  to her boyfriend that she will probably never be normal, but she can be next to normal. And she decides that "next to normal" is okay,  So now we can walk through doors that we all possess toward a deeper, fuller life that is at least next to normal. And all of this is possible because we  have discovered our wild self.

So touch that deep scar. Remember that old, old story. Imagine that sky full of stars. Open the doors that they reveal  and walk through them. You may seem insignificant in the scheme of things, but you are wild and precious. No one has your scars.  No one knows your stories. Only you can live life to your fullest. Wild is not just for forty year olds. But there's no need to buy a red sports car.







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