If the Fates Allow

"Through the years we'll all be together, if the fates allow."  Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas by Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane, 1944

No matter who you are, where you are or what you're planning for Christmas this year,  I can assure you that the fates will not allow you to "all be together" through the years.

I'm watching an incredibly good TV series called This is Us.  From what I've read, I am not the only person enjoying this series.  I don't watch much TV.  I watch football games and I watch movies on Netflix and that's about it.  Several weeks ago my wife, who had watched through episode six said, "You've got to watch this.  You would love it more than you loved Parenthood."  Although I couldn't imagine loving any TV more than Parenthood I told her that I would watch the first episode.

I watched the first episode, then the second, then the third, then the fourth, then the fifth, then the sixth and I couldn't wait for the next episode.  I watched that one last night.  One of the characters is a man in his 70s. He has a child and grandchildren who are  significant characters in the story.  This man is dying of cancer.  On Thanksgiving day he was sitting on the front porch with a guest of the family when she asked, "What does it feel like to be dying?"  He briefly searched her face and said something like, "It's like when I look at my grandchildren I see things flying around their heads. They're just spinning and flying around their heads and I try to catch them.  I reach out and try to catch them and hold them. But more and more things are flying and I realize that I can't catch them all. There is too much to catch."  He then looked at her, a young woman, and said, "You think you have a lot of time, but you don't."

Growing up we were "all together" at my grandmother's house for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We all spent the night there together.  My parents, my siblings, my grandmother, my aunts and uncles, my cousins.  There were about twenty of us. We were "all together". I thought we'd "all be together" forever. But I was wrong. About ten of that group are gone.  I don't mean gone to California. I mean gone for good.  I keep in touch with a few of those who remain but not very many, and not very often.  And my grandmother's house hasn't been in the family for several years.

Although "Fate" is bathed in ancient mythology, the definition most of us have accepted is "the development of events beyond a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power."  And then the first synonym of "fate" is "destiny".  That definition is "the events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future."  So taken together it looks like there's not much we can do about fate and destiny.  Fate and destiny will find us and we will eventually go where they take us.

"Not so fast my friend," as Lee Corso proclaims on College Game Day.  I think we have more influence on fate than fate has on us.  We make decisions every day that impact not only that particular day but the rest of our lives. We shape our destiny by the choices we make.  Our destiny does not shape us. Destiny may be "the events that necessarily happen" but they don't happen unless we point destiny in the right direction.

"If the fates allow." Now we're back to that mythology thing.  The three goddesses, the Fates,  Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos assigned to every being  eternal laws that took their course without obstruction. But even they would have to concede that they could not deem that "through the years we'll all be together." That is something that the Fates could not and cannot allow. I mean, are the Fates even still together?  I haven't heard from any of them in years.

Which brings us to Christmas 2016.  Christmas will find you somewhere with certain people. They may be people you want to be with or people you have to be with or a combination of both, but you will be with these people.  Where ever you are and  whoever  you are with you need to look around and realize that you will not always be together. The Fates cannot allow this. You need to grab as many of those things flying around their heads and hold onto them for dear life.  For they are dear life.

I think that Dan Fogelman, the creator of This is Us, is a genius. The story includes a time warp where the drama goes back and forth in time.  This is not in a funny "Back to the Future" sort of way. It tells the story of what was happening then and then the story of what is happening now to those same people.  When we're watching what was happening then we know all too well that they will not "all be together." We want to tell them, but we can't.  In the play Our Town, Emily wants to tell them, but she can't. Scrooge is trying to tell us, but  he can't. But  what's it going to take for us to figure it out?

"Have Yourself a  Merry Little Christmas" is an invitation.  It is inviting us to refuse to let our obligations and frustrations define our celebrations. Sure we have troubles, but for now they're miles away . It's inviting us to let those memories of Christmas past blend in with the beauty of Christmas present. Sure we miss those people and places  that are gone.  But they're all trying to tell us, "Stop brooding about us. What we had together was special, but what you have now is more special than that. Embrace all of those people. You won't always be together, but you are now."

"So hang a shining star upon the highest bough and have yourself a merry little Christmas now."