"But I'm making my way back to me again."  Oysters, Tori Amos

"The Book of Changes -- I Ching in Chinese -- is unquestionably one of the most important books in the world's literature. Its origin goes back to mythical antiquity, and it has occupied the attention of the most eminent scholars of China down to the present day. Nearly all that is greatest and most significant in the three thousand years of Chinese cultural history has either taken its inspiration from this book, or has exerted an influence on the interpretation of its text. Therefore it may safely be said that the seasoned wisdom of thousands of years has gone into the making of the I Ching. Small wonder then that both of the two branches of Chinese philosophy, Confucianism and Taoism, have their common roots here. The book sheds new light on many a secret hidden in the often puzzling modes of thought of that mysterious sage, Lao-tse, and of his pupils, as well as on many ideas that appear in the Confucian tradition as axioms, accepted without further examination."  

Thus begins Richard Wilhelm's introduction to the I Ching--The Book of Changes.  Many who know little or nothing about this significant work believe it to be sorcery or associated with the occult.  For me I understand the I Ching to be neither good nor evil--it is morally and theologically neutral.  And yet I have consulted this book for inspiration and help for years. My only copy is an abridged one and I seldom crack it open.  The easiest way to divine its treasures is online and that is where I usually go.

The I Ching consists of 64  hexagrams. These are composed of six stacks of lines either broken or unbroken (yin or yang). To try to explain here the mechanics of these hexagrams and how a random cast affects the outcome and can provide actual help is beyond my purposes here.

I made a decision about two weeks ago that was one of the most difficult decisions of my life. The decision affects a lot of people over a long period of time. Although I arrived at the final decision just a few days ago, the decision had been in the works for over a year.  But things recently came to a head within and without and I decided to move on.

People consult the I Ching  for a multitude of reasons, but you don't consult the I Ching for yes or no or right or wrong.  The I Ching offers complex recommendation for complex questions. In my recent  case I didn't consult the oracle to tell me what to do, I simply wanted reassurance, an opinion, for what I had already decided to do. I had sought the opinion of several people I trusted,  but the final decision was all  my own.  And that's what I did, I decided for one of the few times in my life not what I thought was right for everyone else, but what I thought was right for me.

 I typed my question into the search box,  cast the "yarrow" and received this response:
(from Hexagram 15): "To experience integrity is like coming face to face with your real self--plain, simple and unadorned. To have integrity is to be whole, at one with yourself and with reality. It means being honest about your own capabilities, holding yourself in creative balance with your world and not exaggerating the importance of your role.  These qualities enable the noble one to bring whatever work presents itself to completion. Since she is not overly full of herself, she has space for the real world; she isn't hampered by an excess or by a lack of confidence. Since she isn't caught up in a personal story, and doesn't identify her work with her worth, she is free to do what needs to be done and move on."

In the end I decided to do just that --move on.  I have been involved in vocational church ministry since 1971 when I was 17 years old.  There is so much about leading music that I will miss.  And I  guess that there are  many people who will miss me. But forty-five years is a long time to concern myself with treble clefs, bass clefs, committees, key signatures, time signatures, whole notes, committees, quarter rests, dynamics,  fermatas, tenutos,  entrances, cut-offs, pastors, committees, budgets, music services, accompanists, sopranos, altos, tenors, basses and committees. I'm worn out.

Although increased opportunity for travel is not my sole reason for retiring from vocational ministry,  Indiana, Texas, California, Missouri and Florida are all on my personal map. My car gets excellent gas mileage, highways are not getting less crowded and I'm not getting any younger.

This Sunday my church where I have spent the last four years of music leadership,  is honoring my wife and  me with a reception in our honor. Significant people will wish us well and give us a warm send off. And we will respond with our love and gratitude.  I'm sure that kind words will be spoken and  I will appreciate what each person says. But it will be hard for someone to beat what a six year old boy named Richard said  to me back in 1974. After a song I led his choir to sing, Richard looked at me and said,  "David, you make my heart happy." And that my dear friends over forty-five years of leading music is all I've ever really  wanted to do.